A Definition for the Ages
Sometimes, we the 8cr crew become seriously involved in the advancement of intellectual causes. We think this world is too stuck in generalities. So many words have lost meaning due to overuse, misuse, and abuse. That's why I, inBubbleGuy, and my younger inBubbleBrother, spent the last two days very specifically defining a word that gets thrown around more than Paris Hilton stories do in the mainstream press. For two and a half days now, the 8cr office has been heated in debate, conjecture, deductive reasoning, circular reasoning, philosophical understanding, and brilliant analogy. So what you ask is the topic at hand?
SPORT
Seriously folks, when the word "finance" has been called by one man, "our true national sport," it's time somebody takes a stand. Dylan and Ryan Schleicher are up to the challenge. George Carlin had a great bit on this a while back, but he's a funny man looking for a laugh, which caused him to used flawed logic.
Before I tell you the rules that shall forever define what constitutes a sport, let me first shared with you something from a woman named Rebecca, who works for our parent company. She saw the value in our endeavor, and took note of the instinctive reaction to let emotion overtake logic.
A Prepared Statement Regarding What Constitutes a Sport:
In our constitution, we are guaranteed the right to free speech. This, of course, applies to the most noble ideas humankind is capable of producing as well as the most despicable.
Though many of us would like to apply this right selectively at times to suit our own tastes and sensibilities, such an application would be a fool's errand.
Similarly, one cannot render a conclusion arrived at through vigorous research and testing moot simply because one does not care for the results. To wit: Is Water Polo a sport? Yes. Do I like that? No.
Yet, my distaste with the result will produce no change in the facts at hand. Water polo is a sport and I will just have to live with it, a sacrifice for the greater good.
In conclusion, it is my hope that as you continue in your pursuits you will bear in mind that emotions, while useful in many aspects of our lives, have little to no place in the world of cold hard logic in which a conversation of this magnitude ought to dwell.
Thank you.
Thank you Rebecca. You have been a key player in the advancement of a truly worthy cause. Now, without further ado, I give to you, the members of inBubbleNation, the rules that will for ever define what constitutes a sport.
Sport: A Somewhat New & Vastly Superior Definition
- There must be 1 ball or variation thereof that the game is played with/centered on.
- It must be athletic. Athletic here is defined as: requiring a skill set specific to the game being played and: providing legitimate cardiovascular exercise.
- There must be both an offense and a defense in direct competition with each other.
- There must be a professional league.
- It must have a regulated playing surface.
Everything else is a game, activity, competition, mode of transportation, or art form. Many so-called "sports" are even a combination of these things. Baseball is the best sport of all because it combines all these aspects.
We think it's okay use the word sport to describe an individual, as in "She's a good sport". It's also acceptable to use it as a substitute for the word "wear", e.g. "sport" a hat.
There may arrive the need to add sub rules to clarify the principles of what constitutes a sport, but we're hoping this need doesn't arise. Thank you for time.
That concludes our definition, which credit must be given to Dylan for the actual writing of the rules. We have actually been collaborating on this matter for several years, which brings me to my next point.
We are right and everyone else is wrong. On a similar note, we have been, and continue to be, open to logical arguments from anyone willing to seriously and thoughtfully challenge, or add to, our rules. But most people won't do that. So, again, we are right. We are right that Baseball, Cricket, Rugby, Soccer, Basketball, Football, Hockey, Polo, Water Polo, and Ultimate Frisbee (if it has a professional league) are all sports. We are also right that Golf, Running, Swimming, Gymnastics, Cycling, Boxing, and Wrestling are not.
If you have a question as to what constitutes a sport, feel free to email both Dylan and I. Our emails are our first name followed by @800ceoread.com. Let the conversation begin. And I ask that WHEN you come around to agreeing with us, you help spread the word. Finance in not a gall darn sport.
Oh, by the way, we are giving away a bag of assorted colored plastic forks today. One freezer bag full of about 30 plastic forks. That's all.
Sorry! This offer has expired. Check out today's offer instead.
