You're Addicted to You
It's funny because I was just talking about this with inBubbleLadyFriend. I was just telling her (not just now...it wouldn't make sense to write and talk at the same time) how one of my least favorite statements people make is, "That's just the way I am." Why does this irk me so? Well, because that statement usually comes at the end of an argument or discussion. It's when reason gets tossed out the window and it's time for the arguee to justify an action or behavior. It's like the person is saying, "I know I'm wrong, and I'm sorry I let you down, but that's just the way I am."
But you know what? Sometimes this inBubbleFellow needs to get over himself. Sometimes my very strong opinions are formed without considering the whole of the situation or person. You see, I have assumed (many many times) that people spoke "That's just the way I am" out of laziness or an unwillingness to change, or at least alter, their behaviors. This is true at times, but not all the time. This I learned from Noah Blumenthal and his new book You're Addicted to You: Why It's So Hard to Change - And What You Can Do About It.
Life often requires us to step back and say, "Golly Gee Whiz, it's really not as simple as I thought." People really do try to change; it's just that we just often fail. "That's just the way I am" sometimes means, "Damn it, I'm trying to be better, but it doesn't seem to be working as well as I want." I know I've felt like this before, and I'm betting that at least 98% of you reading this can relate.
So how do we wind up with that feeling - the sort of hopeless, insecurity inducing point where we start believing that we can't change? According to Blumenthal and You're Addicted to You, the biggest problem lies in HOW we go about attempting change. "It's not a lack of willpower. The problem is that we try to adopt new, more positive behaviors without first breaking the hold that the old negative behaviors have on us -- in fact, their hold is so strong that they have become a part of us."
Whether it's a bad physical habit like smoking, or an unpleasant mental crutch stemming from insecurity, when we repeatedly do anything, that thing becomes a part of us, and we form an addiction to it. We can't let our lungs heal without first quitting cigarettes, so what makes us think we can adopt better behavior without first letting go of the bad ones. This is what Blumenthal's book helps us do.
You're Addicted to You offers us a very solid three-stage strategy (he calls it the "Circles of Strength" approach") that is designed to help us conquer our damaging behaviors and habits before we attempt to work our way into more positive, beneficial was of living life. By giving us the tools and exercises and all that good stuff that first help us become aware of our self-addictions, Noah allows us to be able to control the impact these addictions have on ourselves and others. Then comes the good part...GROWING. And whatever that means to you, is there anything more important in life than GROWING?
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